Is often apologetic and attentive.
Is manipulative ("If you drop the TPO, Išll give you the
car, give you a divorce, stop drinking, go to counseling, never hit
you again," etc. etc. etc.)
May cry, send flowers, buy gifts.
Can attempt to reawaken old dreams by saying, "We'll take
that trip we planned" or "We'll move and start over in a
Experiences mixed feelings.
May feel guilty, responsible, ashamed.
some relationships there are shortened calm periods, or sometimes
no calm period at all. The cycle becomes tension building to violence,
back and forth, again and again. The phases of violence can also
occur in a different order than started above.
following strategies can be used to create a plan to increase safety
and prepare in advance for the possibility of further violence.
Although you do not have control over your partner's violence, you
do have a choice about how to respond to him/her and how to best
get yourself and your children to safety.
during a violent incident
can try some of these safety strategies to get to safety or to get
I can keep my purse and car keys ready and put them in a safe space
in order to leave quickly.
B. I can inform friends and family members about the violence and
request they call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming
from my house. C.
I can teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the
police and the fire department. (Be careful about placing responsibility
on children.) D.
I can pick a code word so my friends and children will call for
Safety when preparing to leave:
battered partner frequently leaves the residence shared with the
abuser. Leaving must be done with a careful plan in order to increase
safety. Abusers often strike back when they believe that their partner
is leaving the relationship. I can use some or all of the following
I will keep copies of important documents, such as social security,
birth certificates, and shot records, in a safe place.
I will open an individual savings account to increase my independence
and to establish credit.
When I leave the residence:
can follow these safety strategies to increase the safety of my
I can change the locks on my doors and windows as soon as possible.
I can install security systems including additional locks, window
bars, (not generally recommended due to fire escape hazards) poles
to wedge against doors, an electronic system, etc.
I can purchase rope ladders ("fire ladders" are available from hardware
and discount stores) to be used for escape from second floor windows.
I can install an outside lighting system that lights up when a person
is coming close to my house (motion detectors).
I will tell people who take care of my children which individuals
have permission to pick up my children and that my partner is not
permitted to do so.
I will ask the local Sheriff/Police Department to perform a home
safety check and to make recommendations.
Sexual Assault: What
is Sexual Assault?
assault is a general term that encompasses a variety of unwanted
sexual activities. Rape is defined as sexual intercourse without
consent. It is illegal to have sex with an adult even one's
spouse without her or his consent. If someone engages in
sexual intercourse with an individual that is incapable of giving
consent due to a disability or being intoxicated or unconscious,
a rape has occurred. Rape is only one form of sexual assault, and
any type of a sexual act that is unwanted can be considered sexual
is it important to get help right away?
A sexual assault victim may experience a myriad of emotions including
shock, disbelief, denial, fear, embarrassment, shame, guilt, depression,
powerlessness, anxiety and anger. Additionally a sexual assault victim
may have been exposed to sexually transmitted diseases, HIV and pregnancy.
It is important to receive medical care and support immediately after
an assault has occurred to ensure that medical issues are addressed,
evidence is collected and to aid in the healing process. Pretending
the sexual assault didnšt happen, will not make it go away.
to do after a rape or assault:
Get to a safe place
Call 911 or the Community Help Line (530-546-3241 or
530-587-3101 or 775-833-3241) for support and information.
Remember, it is not your fault, regardless of your actions, it is
not your fault. The rapist, even if you know them, committed the crime.
Donšt shower, bathe, douche, use the toilet, wash your hands,
brush your teeth, eat, drink, change clothes or straighten up the
Report the rape to the police as soon as possible.
you are an adult, this decision is yours. Remember that reporting
attacks is an important part of ending violence against women. However,
you should feel okay and comfortable with whatever decision you make.
Get medical attention at an emergency room in a medical center.
to cooperate with medical personnel and police. They are trying to
help you. You have a right to a rape crisis advocate from Tahoe Women's
a friend or rape crisis center so that someone can be with you.
police or hospital should call the local rape crisis center for you.
They will send someone to be with you for support and information
at the hospital and police station.
get continued help and support
normal to feel confusion, anger, guilt and other strong emotions after
a rape. For help in dealing with these feelings, you can contact Tahoe
Women's Services or a school counselor.
Normal reactions to sexual assault:
is a degrading, humiliating experience. Frequent reactions are:
I feel so numb. Why am I so calm? Why can't I cry? Why me?
Did it really happen? It wasn't really rape.
I feel so dirty, like there is something wrong with me now.
I feel as I did something to make this happen to me. If I had only...
How am I going to go on? I feel so tired and hopeless. Will I ever
feel in control again?
I can't sit still. I'm having trouble getting through the day. I'm
just overwhelmed! I keep having flashbacks.
Will I get pregnant? Will I get AIDS? Am I safe? Can people tell what's
happened to me? Will I ever want to be intimate again? Will I ever
get over this? I'm afraid I'm going crazy. I have nightmares that
I'm a nervous wreck! I have trouble breathing. (Anxiety is often expressed
in physical symptoms like difficulty breathing, muscle tension, sleep
disturbance, change in eating habits, nausea and stomach problems.)
I want to KILL him!
Assault Response Teams Available to Help Survivors
Assault Response Teams (SART) consisting of nurse examiners, law enforcement
officers, prosecutors and rape crisis advocates are available in Washoe,
Placer and Nevada Counties. The SART teams were created to provide
immediate and on-going support for the victim of a sexual assault
and to improve prosecution rates. Although team members have different
functions within SART, the members work together to ensure the needs
of the survivor are met.
happens when a sexual assault victim calls for help?
the sexual assault victim calls 911, Tahoe Women's Service's Help
Line, or may go directly to the hospital to report the sexual assault.
A law enforcement officer then takes the initial statement and calls
in an investigator who determines if there is a need for an evidentiary
exam. If the officer believes that a sexual assault has occurred,
and the victim consents to the exam, the victim is then notified of
her/his right to a rape crisis advocate and another support person
of her/his choosing. At this point, the law enforcement officer calls
TWS to let the agency know that a victim is in need of an advocate
at the hospital. A trained rape crisis advocate from TWS meets the
victim at the hospital to provide advocacy and support. The nurse
and officer interview the victim in order to gather evidence and information
necessary for the exam as well as to locate and arrest the suspect.
The nurse then conducts the evidentiary exam with the advocate present.
The advocate provides counseling and support and ensures that the
victim has a safe place to stay the night as well as clean clothes
and transportation. The advocate then contacts the victim in the next
few days to continue advocacy and schedule additional counseling if
requested. The advocate continues to provide support for the victim
throughout the criminal justice process.
hospitals perform the evidentiary exam?
years of hard work, the Placer and Nevada County SART team members
have come together to create a protocol that allows sexual assault
victims to receive the evidentiary exam at Tahoe Forest Hospital.
Before this groundbreaking agreement, Placer County victims were
transported to Auburn for the exam. Distance and inclement weather
discouraged victims from getting the proper care and support. The
Nevada County SART Team paid for the training of three nurses to
become Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE) at Tahoe Forest Hospital.
In addition, Placer County hosted a training for all nurses, law
enforcement officers, district attorneys and advocates. Tahoe Womenšs
Services staff members attended the 4-day training to enhance their
skills in advocacy. The Office of Criminal Justice Planning provided
new equipment for the exams including advanced camera equipment
that will allow nurses at Tahoe Forest Hospital to consult with
the UC Davis Medical Center. If
the sexual assault occurs in Washoe County, the victim is transported
to Washoe Medical Center or Saint Mary's Hospital in Reno. A TWS
advocate meets the victim in Reno to provide support and counseling.